i need an iv and a liver transplant
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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