I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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