I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
