Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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