she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
