I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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