im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
