I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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