You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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