So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
