the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
your like the ambassador to my penis.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
