Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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