party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
