Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
