Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
