btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
