Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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