I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
