I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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