return my video game
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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