I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
