People in love make me want to vomit
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
