so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
