During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
