Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
