remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
