God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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