They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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