can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
