Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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