I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
