Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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