There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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