I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Please don't give away my fajitas
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