No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
