So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
