I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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