Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
