My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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