how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
not ubering you a puppy
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
