my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
