It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
