it was like his penis was on wheels.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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