Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
