ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
