I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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