your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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