And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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