They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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