I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
