If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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