i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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