please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
