It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
