i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His nipple licking is glorious
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