I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I died a long time ago.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The power of my boobs compel you
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
