my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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