Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
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I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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