I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
