12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
