I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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