Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Lo siento on account of my penis...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
