I want to stick my p in your. b.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
