I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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