If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
