k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
