So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude i'm inner monologue high
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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