Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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