Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
