hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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