i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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