Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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