Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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