did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
