My room smells like vodka and shame
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
