"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
